Books light up the microcosm of a human heart. I have always found that books recommended to me by others have the double advantage of the pleasure of the book itself and gaining an insight into the mind of another.

Prepare to open a door to a realm of fascination.

Swimming in a sea of death: A son’s memoir

My recommended book of the moment is SWIMMING IN A SEA OF DEATH by David Rieff, an in-depth look at the last months on earth of his mother, the celebrated literary figure, Susan Sontag. There are the expected interesting philosophical and literary references from a man who fully understood from a young age that he would also be a merchant of words; most of which I had never heard before. But there is also pathos in the awkwardness with which this sophisticated roving journalist and man of intellect attempts to come to terms with the death of a mother he clearly idolised.

The last part of the book is a moving account (chest-clenching stuff), the writing brilliant in its understatement, of his last journey with his mother to Paris, a city the american-born Susan Sontag had considered her spiritual home. His last filial act is to accompany her body to its final resting place at the cemetery of Montparnasse (famed for its literary occupants which include the likes of Samuel Beckett, …). Paradoxically, where the the sparsity of the prose is most pronounced one senses the depth of the tenderness and esteem he felt for his mother, and the terrible finality of his loss.

An unflinching portrayal of a personal calamity; the facts are presented in chronological sequence without claims of having gained any special understanding. No self-help spiritual guide this one, but a thought-provoking testimony. He leaves it up to us, the individual reader, to consider the matter in our own way. Do we face death any better after we have seen our mother die? Do we die a little death of our own when we watch our mother die? Is it during the long moment of the dutiful loving watch that we finally stare mortality in the face?

RECOMMEND A BOOK ON THE INTERPLAY OF LIFE, LOVE AND DEATH…

DYING: A PRACTICAL GUIDE FOR THE JOURNEY

By Peter Fox and Sue Wood.
Available from selected book stockists.

Review: Many people allow fear of their own mortality to colour the way they treat the terminally ill. This adds to the increasing loneliness of someone who is dying. By talking about death, by accepting we are all mortal and will all die – that in fact, dying, like being born, defines us as human – we can ease the fear and loneliness. This book allows us to approach that process in a calm and containing way.

Recommended by Bev Rycroft

“Journals – There is value in keeping a journal during this time of inner struggle and reflection. (Significantly, ‘journey’ comes from the same root word.) An exercise book next to the bed, for the patient, can track the experience as it happens. Recording developments on the spot can be a relief, and can boost awareness of what is going on. The carer may choose to keep a journal too.”

A SURVIVAL KIT FOR THE HEREAFTER

By Belinda Silbert.
Available from selected book stockists.

Review: An easy read on how to kick-start your spiritual evolution from the perspective of a psychic counsellor. You may choose to use or lose but it clearly and matter-of-factedly presents an alternative realm of thought on death, reincarnation and the hereafter.

Recommended by Consuelo Roland

“Reincarnation – People often believe that the Hereafter is a cure-all. If you are a Christian or a Jew or a Muslim you probably believe that heaven or paradise automatically heals every physical, mental and emotional defect, almost as if the act of dying shunts you through some enormous godly car-wash. You come out perfect on the other side.
This is simply not the case.”

I DREAMED OF AFRICA

By Kuki Gallman.
Available from selected book stockists.

Review: The autobiographical tale of a woman who leaves Italy, her country of birth, to follow a childhood dream to live in Africa. One of the most memorable tributes to a dead lover/husband and mother’s tributes to a dead child I have ever read; she puts her pain into bald words of loss and grief, without literary artifices to shield us, to keep their memories alive. This is not a book about regrets; for Gallman our time on this earth is part of a cycle of life and death. The essence of what her son meant to her and the qualities of his own inalienable soul are captured in final rites so full of communal love and dignity that the joy of his life force bursts from the pages. Single-handedly, with her moving descriptions of carefully choreographed and lovingly executed funeral ceremonies Gallman gave me a new regard for funerals as necessary rituals of passage for the living to honour the dead.

Recommended by Consuelo Roland

“The Last Snake – I ran towards the grave and stopped, a few steps off. Prostrate on it was Mario. Arms and legs spread wide, hands dug into the soil and faded flowers, body shaken by heartrending sobs. I retreated in silence. He was his father.
Soon after, a mad gallop shook the earth, frantic hooves bit the dust, and off went Mario on Emmanuele’s horse, riding like the Apocalypse. He came back at night. Next day he left, and I have never seen him since.”

SKYLINE

By Patricia Schonstein Pinnock.
Available from selected book stockists.

Review: One of the handful of books I’d take with me to a desert Island and read again and again to remember what it is to be human. It stands out as a rare book that made me cry real tears on a damp Cape winter afternoon. Some tears seems more authentic than others. Read it – it belongs on that special bookshelf of books that have given you a new perspective on life.

Recommended by Consuelo Roland

“Chapter 1 – Outside the traffic is screaming. It doesn’t always scream; sometimes it howls, sometimes it runs smoothly, sometimes it sounds like a woman singing. Tonight its screaming and filling the flat with rush and panic.
She draws on her cigarette, holds the smoke inside. The traffic is crying now and its sorrow pours onto the veranda and in through the windows, splashing everything with tears. The traffic is the wail of a Madonna stripped and bleeding.”

THE ROAD HOME

By Rose Tremain.
Available from selected book stockists.

Review: Still grieving the death of his wife in Poland, Lev travels to London as an economic migrant. He takes on menial jobs to earn enough money to support his daughter and mother, who are struggling to survive in his slowly dying home-town. As readers, we grieve with Lev, and will him to succeed. A beautiful story of life, love and belonging defeating despair.

Recommended by Anne Donald, KALK BAY BOOKS

MEMORIES OF MY MELANCHOLY WHORES

By Gabriel Garcia Marques
Available from selected book stockists.

Review: On the edge of death, a 90-year-old man reclaims his right to love and life in the form of a gift of ‘wild love’ with an adolescent virgin. Again, don’t be alarmed. This is not an ode to a dirty old man; it is the story of a sad, unloved, lonely man who dreams of living before dying.

Recommended by Anne Donald, KALK BAY BOOKS

BEING DEAD

By Jim Crace
Available from selected book stockists.

Review: That we are all part of something bigger, and that each of us is unique only in relation to the people we love, is the theme at the heart of this unusual crime story, in which death exposes itself in minute detail. Not for wobbly tummies.

Recommended by Anne Donald, KALK BAY BOOKS

Excerpt
“For while his hand was touching her, curved round her shin, the couple seemed to have achieved that peace the world denies, a period of grace, defying even murder. Anyone who found them there, so wickedly disfigured, would nevertheless be bound to see that something of their love had survived the death of cells. The corpses were surrendered to the weather and the earth, but here were still a man and wife, quietly resting; flesh on flesh; dead, but not departed yet.”

THE NATIVE COMMISSIONER

By Shaun Johnson
Available from selected book stockists.

Review: The Native Commissioner is a perfect example of the healing power of fiction. Based on the story of his own father, Johnson tells the story of a young boy coming to terms with the man his father was, a state employee faced with the complexities of apartheid South Africa in the 1960s, and leading to his suicide.

Recommended by Anne Donald, KALK BAY BOOKS

Quote from author
Sam Jameson, eight years old at the time of his father George’s death, decides, some forty years later, to go through the box of his father’s papers which his mother had passed on to him. In trying to piece together the life of a parent he never really knew, Sam discovers a sensitive, inherently kind but insecure man. George has seemingly spent his working life as a native commissioner conscientiously carrying out his duties, but has never quite been able to come to terms with the white man’s place in Africa. As his doubts deepen he is overwhelmed by despair

WAYS OF DYING

By Zakes Mda
Available from selected book stockists.

Review: The story of Toloki, ‘an eccentric and dignified professional mourner’ as he crosses South Africa in his quest of healing, and the people he heals. Magic realism, humour, friction and love are all part of the mix.

Recommended by Anne Donald, KALK BAY BOOKS

Excerpt
“Death lives with us everyday. Indeed our ways of dying are our ways of living. Or should I say our ways of living are our ways of dying?
It works both ways. Good-bye, Toloki.
Good-bye, Noria.
Just one more thing:please take a bath. Just because your profession involves death, it doesn’t mean that you need to smell like a dead rat.”

AGAAT

By Marlene van Niekerk
Available from selected book stockists.

Review: The story of Milla and Agaat unfolds slowly and painfully as Agaat cares for the dying Milla. Reliant on each other for everything for most of their time together, it is only when Milla’s disease makes her completely dependent on Agaat, that the true nature of their relationship is exposed. In the face of death, love and hate can be interchangeable.

Recommended by Anne Donald, KALK BAY BOOKS

THE CEMENT GARDEN

By Ian McEwan
Available from selected book stockists.

Review: The story of A bizarre tale of four children and their panicked attempt to deal with the death of their mother. With no sense of their place in the world, the story is a startling study of survival in the face of their deepest fear.

Recommended by Anne Donald, KALK BAY BOOKS

WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT KEVIN

By Lionel Shriver
Available from selected book stockists.

Review: Can we love someone who kills? This is the question at the heart of this shocking story – the love or lack thereof of a mother for a son who has committed the ultimate horror. But facing the truth within her is the only way either of them can survive.

Recommended by Anne Donald, KALK BAY BOOKS

IF NOBODY SPEAKS OF REMARKABLE THINGS

By Jon McGregor
Available from selected book stockists.

Review: It is usually only when the unexpected, the unspeakable, the unignorable, happens, that we start to notice those things of beauty that surround us. In this simply beautiful story of a street which is visited by a terrible event, McGregor shows us in exquisite prose, the remarkable things that surround ordinary people, and in doing so encourages us to take notice of what’s really important.

Recommended by Anne Donald, KALK BAY BOOKS